The world is getting more complicated every day. Ergo, raising children in this ever-changing world also gets increasingly more intricate. As a parent, I have often consulted “parenting” books at the library to help me navigate the constantly evolving development of my offspring. While these research-based publications have certainly offered enlightenment along the way, it has been 3 recent books; 2 memoirs and 1 fiction story, that have offered immense guidance into how to parent my emerging adults; how to love them, support them and truly see them as the individual wonderful people they are.

“I Wish You All the Best” by Mason Deaver (they/them/their) was recently recommended to me by my youngest. Since I am a librarian, my children (now 23 and 26) and I are avid readers, and are always sharing book suggestions with each other. This recommendation, however, was different, and I somehow knew that this book had special significance for them. Reading the book gave me a window into the challenges and often rejection a person experiences in trying to figure out who they are. It also helped me to recognize that stories such as this one are literally life saving! 

“I Wish You all the Best” is the story of 18 year old high school student Ben De Backer who, after much angst, has finally summoned the courage to tell their parents that they are non-binary. Ben’s parents immediately throw Ben out of their home into the cold January weather, without a coat or shoes. Ben has no place to go, and the only person they can call is an older sister whom they haven’t seen in years. The story is a compelling and heart-wrenching tale of a vulnerable young person suffering from anxiety and trying to finish high school while attempting to come to terms with their own identity. 

Find it at the library in print or in the Indiana Digital Library on e-book or downloadable audiobook.

“Gender Queer” by Maia Kobabe (e/em/eir) is a Graphic Memoir which documents Maia’s childhood into adulthood. Creating this story began as a way for Maia to explain to eir family what it means to be non-binary and asexual. “Gender Queer” has emerged as much more than a personal story: it is a useful and touching guide on gender identity–what it means and how to think about it–for advocates, friends, and humans everywhere.

I read “Gender Queer” before my youngest asked me to read “I Wish You All the Best.” I have numerous colleagues, friends and family members who identify as LGBTQ+, and I wanted to educate myself. This book is an honest guide for anyone trying to understand what a loved one is feeling. I felt that every reader, if being truly honest with oneself, could identify with some of the experiences Maia details in eir book. For sure, books are both windows and mirrors into other people’s experiences and allow readers to have compassion for those who are different.

Find it at the library in print or in the Indiana Digital Library on e-book.

“All Boys Aren’t Blue” by George M. Johnson (they/them/their) is a self described memoir-manifesto. Johnson wrote the book as a series of personal essays about their experiences growing up black and queer. However painful these stories were to write, Johnson felt compelled to write this book to save lives. Until recently, those who identify as LGBTQ+ rarely, if ever, found stories to serve as mirrors into their own identity questions and struggles. “All Boys Aren’t Blue” effectively serves as a primer for teens eager to be allies as well as a reassuring testimony for young queer men of color. Topics covered include: gender identity, toxic masculinity, brotherhood, family, structural marginalization, consent, and Black joy. Johnson’s emotionally frank (curse word alert!) style of writing is authentic and will appeal directly to young adults, and to those who love them.

Find it in the library in print or in the Indiana Digital Library on e-book or downloadable audiobook.

All 3 of these books have played a significant role in my understanding of what it means to identify as LGBTQ+, and how to be a better parent, friend and ally. Just as every parent does, I love my children and would do anything to protect them and help them to find happiness. I hope that other parents will find these books to be the life-affirming guides that I believe they are meant to be.

Read books, save lives!

— Sharon Frank
Youth Services Librarian